On Writing

Plot, Whatever

I’ve never been good at writing plot. This makes me a terrible storyteller. Stories are about plot in action by characters. Without plot you’ve got no action, no story, no nothing. So I’ve heard over and over since I started writing in high school. It’s been twenty years and plots still make me yawn when they don’t drive me crazy.

Why do I need a plot? I don’t care about plot!

This may explain why my life seems to just be a series of disconnected events. I have no plot in my life either. I’m a pinball of a woman, bouncing and rebounding from one experience to the next.

Was I supposed to have a plan? Was I supposed to see the end when I was closer to the beginning? I really, honestly don’t want to know. What’s the fun in that? Surprise me.

I’ve been described as random. I will say things out of nowhere. I’m unpredictable except when I’m predictable. I’m equally both.

I don’t really care about telling you a story. Who cares? I really don’t. People do things, they go places, sh*t happens.

I want to make you feel something. I want to make you laugh. I want to agitate you. I want to take you to a place you can’t go on your own. A place you can only go with me.

I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life, my entire creative life, thinking this was not enough. If I didn’t have a plot, I wasn’t a writer. If I didn’t tell a story, I didn’t do my job.

This has held me back. I have hundreds of pages of beautiful words that will make you laugh, make you catch your breath, get you hot or tear at your heart that I have never done anything with because I don’t have a tidy story shell to store them in.

I’ve been trying to become the kind of writer who can tell a story. I will never be that writer.

I’m not a storyteller. There is no purpose to my writing. I have nothing important to say. I have no wisdom to impart. I don’t have clever plot twists or parables. Reading my writing won’t make you a better person.

I’m a lover. I live as a lover and I write as a lover. The story doesn’t matter, just as when two lovers come together to touch and caress, we don’t care what the rest of their lives are about. Who cares about carpools and jobs and grocery lists and debt when two lovers strip down naked to caress and tease and tempt each other into ecstasy?

I write like I love. Without a goal or a plan, without any understanding of the context. I love for the moment, for the feeling and for where we can go when we leave everything behind. In my writing I’m going to make you feel things you can’t feel elsewhere. I’m going to make you trust me. I’m going to carry you and hold you and touch you with my words. Together we will explore the dark, exciting, passionate places that can only be shared when we are raw and real, naked and brave together.

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