Honor knew Suzanne had already heard about Jenna’s pregnancy. He was dreading seeing her but glad he wasn’t going to have to give her the news himself. He wasn’t sure how it would go. Suzanne was a strong woman, but hard for Honor to read. Knowing her since she was thirteen didn’t help him understand her any better. There was something about her that she kept reserved and hidden from him. He’d seen glimpses of her old spark and lightness the night he came home ten years ago, and he’d seen it in her when they were young, but ever since he came back to Sneads Ferry and met her again as an adult, she intimidated him. She seemed to know more than he did, which didn’t make sense to him, since he’d been all around the world and she had never left.
“Congratualtions,” she said flatly.
“Thank you,” he said.
She seemed more cold than he expected.
“You going to marry her?” she asked.
“I’m not sure.”
“Of course you aren’t. That would be weird for you to be sure.”
“Don’t give me that.”
“Do what you want Honor. No one has stopped you before and no one will stop you now,” she said.
“I love her,” Honor said. “I just hate the drama.”
“Bullshit.” Suzanne said. He was quiet. “Bull. Shit!” Suzanne repeated with emphasis. She was angry and looking him right in the eye. “You don’t love her. You don’t know what love is. You never have.”
Honor wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Suzanne curse before. “That’s not true,” he said. Her comment stung him. Of course he knew what love is. He’s loved many women. He even loved Suzanne. She was his first love. He could feel his heart racing with anger. How dare Suzanne. How dare she!
“You need to watch that mouth. You’re just trying to upset me.”
“Kristi was cold and ignored you, so you felt invisible.”
This was true. How did Suzanne know so much? It unnerved him.
“Jenna gives you all kinds of attention. She even screams in your face! She throws things, she causes problems for you to fix! And you love it!”
“I don’t love her screaming at me.”
“Oh, but you aren’t invisible! When she screams at you, you think ‘Oh boy! I really exist! I’m so real and so important that she will expend every bit of emotional energy she has screaming at me!’”
Her accusations were landing.
“You don’t hate drama, Honor. You love drama because it makes you feel needed. You hate being ignored.”
Honor was stunned. There was a lot of truth in what Suzanne was saying. He didn’t know how to respond.
Suzanne waited and saw he had nothing to say so she walked to her car.
“You might be right, Suzanne. I don’t like to be ignored. I want to feel needed. You are right about that, but I do love her.”
“Then marry her,” she said.
“It’s not that simple,” Honor said.
“It is that simple, Honor. It’s that simple and that easy. But you don’t want that. You don’t want simple or easy because you might not be needed anymore. That’s why you love drama. And that’s all you love. Certainly not Jenna. That would be out of character.”
“That’s not fair, Suzanne. You’re being a bitch now. I’ve had enough.”
Suzanne continued. Her anger didn’t allow her to hold back. She had thirty years of anger built up that was coming out now.
“Honor, you don’t want someone to really love and understand you. You want someone to give you lots of attention without connecting to you on a deep level. Jenna fits that bill perfectly. She’s superficial, full of drama and so are you!”
Honor couldn’t believe Suzanne was talking to him like this. This would be hard to take coming from anyone, but coming from Suzanne, this anger was piercing. She had always accepted and encouraged him. He’d never been on the receiving end of her wrath before. Even when they split up at 18 when he went to California, even when they broke things off ten year ago after having Ricky Junior. Even through the worst of everything he’d ever been through, Suzanne had been there, in some capacity, encouraging him.
“Enjoy your drama. Enjoy your crazy, Honor. Enjoy your life. Leave me the fuck out of it.”